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MasterPieceintheMaking: Up-hill battle for Love

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Up-hill battle for Love

Been fighting an up-hill battle, the slope is slick with blood soaked mud, and the gale winds beat agianst my chest and face. Demons whisper tempting things; it would be so easy to just sit down. I'm so tired. My soul and body ache, my heart is heavy. I slip agian; flailing I reach for a hand hold only to find weak earth that gives under my weight. I tubble. When I come to and look up, the climb seems impossible to make. I have no strength left. I reach for God trying to find Him, feel Him but I can't. I know in my heart that I've fallen too far. My heart breaks and my soul freezes over with fear; He will not come for me agian, not agian. I've been here too many times. But the need for Him is painful, like the withdrawals of an addict. I throw my hand out hoping He will take it, and find myself allow still. The pain is so great and the fear so strong, I cry out, but hear no reply. I begin to believe that it is too late for me, I am done. I will die here alone. I know not what else to do. I try to crawl upward, but I'm too battered from the fall. My hope starts to die. I have failed. He could not still love me, nor want me, not fallen and dirty like this. I don't want to give up, the need for Him is to great; like a drowing person needs air. As my fears begin to take hold of me, I cry out again, reaching, seeking someone who can help me, who will know what to do.
A hand takes hold of mine, and helps me to sit up. God's fire burns bright through this one as he speaks of the Father's undieing love for all, even for me. He wipes the mud from my face and points to the top of the hill. He tells me I am not alone; that God was always with me, that I could not feel Him because I would not allow myself. I did not believe that I diserved to. He shows me that the beauty of God's love and Gift, is that we do not have to, nor can we, earn it. It is a gift, pure and simple. I weep with shame and saddness, but I feel God being to fill me like warm water as I ask for Him and let go. I feel Christ's scarred hand take mine and pull me to my feet. The mud is washed away with less than a thought from Him. I feel the fire agian in my soul, as a smile crosses the friend's face. My friend is a broken warrior like me; his years of battle are more and his love for God is strong. I know that God used him to show love to me.
With God's strength anew in my limbs and heart, my friend and I begin the up-hill battle once more, for a Love like we have never known, a Love we cannot live without. A Love that will save us all.
God will always love you, never give up on Him, He won't give up on you.


Blogger FL PT said...

WOW Kim...amazing!! It brought tears to my eyes...

Love you tons

6:33 PM  
Blogger FL PT said...

Hey Kim,
Thanks for talking to me today. I just felt kinda distant from you seems to happen especially when I have a rough day at work. Its all good though b/c I got to talk to you! Thanks sis :-)

Please pray for me to make sound decisions based on God's word when it comes to choosing a job. I've been offered 3 jobs now and am starting to feel overwhelmed and not quite sure what to do. There will be a lot of time for me to spend talking to my Father tonight, for sure.

I miss you tons. Love ya!

8:37 PM  
Blogger FL PT said...

Thanks so much for your prayers and good advice Kim (and your comments on my blog *smile*). This really is a time of serious decision making for me. I am still waiting to hear from Northland but I called to let them know that I must give a "go" or "no go" answer to Concentra by Tuesday. Oh, and today I got offered a position at the Plant City clinic I interviewed at last week (Allcare Rehab). I have to let them know by Tuesday also. So, I guess it'll all come down to what Northland says...

7:06 PM  
Blogger CleanSlate said...

I love you.

9:05 PM  
Blogger Brenton said...

Kim! That was amazing!!! What an incredible description of God's love.....make sure you save that for a ministry class at St. Mary's....they will love it! Hope your summer is going well! I'll be back soon!

7:43 AM  

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