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MasterPieceintheMaking: October 2005

Monday, October 31, 2005

*Sigh*

These past couple of weeks have just been one stress on top of the other. Until today, I went to see Helen in Weston and we talked.

So what was wrong? I'm restless, I want out of the house, I want to be married to Eric, I hate school, I feel boxed in, I'm bored, I'm lonely, I'm stressed and I starting to get depressed, agian.

On another note, Eric and I decided it wasn't worth his time or money to get the truck going agian, that he has other things to worry about at this time, and I can always use his truck. I was disappointed at first, but this is a good thing so now I'm not.

I kinda feel like I'm giving up, waving the white flag, but I decided that I'm just going to go ahead and finish school. What good am I with out it after all? and it will make my folks happy. Besides, It will give me something to do until Eric it ready.

I feel like such a quiter. I feel like I should just stop struggleing agianst the leash my parents have on me and lie down, give up. I can't win anyway. Life it out there, I can smell it, but I'll never have it. I'll rot on the end of this leash, because I'm not (instert good thing here) enough to take it off and go after it. I feel stuck. But I'm too damn stubbern to give up, I won't. I'll go to school, but I will make something out of it. Maybe I can get out of the house, live at the dorms. And maybe Eric and I do have all the time we could need.

I know that life won't end if I'm not out of the house or married in a year, but sometimes it feels like it's passing me up, I want to get out and make my own mistakes, live!

Sorry, that was depressing. I'm gonna go play with fire or something now.

Monday, October 24, 2005

TRUCK!

I saw the truck yesturday! It's soooooooo sexy! I love it! We worked on the steering thing(i say thing because I can't spell what it's really called) anyway someone had tried to work on it before and busted some of the plastic covering and left a tool in there! So we got that fixed and got new battery cable ends put on and hooked it up to the spare battery Eric brought with, and the dome light came on, but that was all that came on. :( Eric said he thought the battery was dead but wanted to try it anyways. I was disappointed, it was rather anti climatic(sp?) oh well, next time we'll have a battery that works and the Beast will LIVE! muahahahahahahahaha *cough cough* Yeah, we're calling it the Beast! It is one after all! And the weird thing is that I have always wanted a big blue truck called Beast!
I told mom about it, she wasn't really sure how to respond, she asked alot of questions about the truck and how Eric was paying for it, then told me to let her talk to dad about it. She talked to dad, and his first thought was that Eric had bought the truck up front, and now owed money on something else, but she told him that Eric was working the truck off. So he said he'd think about it. About letting Eric give me the truck that is, which I think is really silly, and I wanted to tell mom that it's just a now or later thing, I either get the truck now, when I need it, or I get it when we get married, when I won't need it as much. But I didn't, that would have upset her. That was Saturday, he still hasn't even metioned the truck. Not even to ask questions about it. So I'll wait quitely like a good little girl. *grumble* And in the mean time work on MY truck, and see about getting it insured and tagged so I can go MUDDING!

Friday, October 21, 2005

SQUEE!!!!!!

Eric's getting me a truck!!!!! *happy dance* It's an '88 F150 with 4-wheel drive and BIG tires and it's BLUE! *catches breath* I'm so excited! He'll be working it off, so he doesn't have to pay right out of his pocket! But he's not allowed to get me any more christmas, birthday, or whatever presents for.....awhile. He doesn't know that yet. So yeah it's great! Now I just have to figure out how to break it to my parents.
I'm so happy about the truck it's wounderful and I can't believe Eric went out of his way like this for me. But I can't help this strange feeling I have about it, he got his ex-girlfriend a car and we all know what happened with that relationship, I guess I'm hoping it's not a bad omen for us. That didn't make any sence.

Anyway, Yote's Halloween party is this coming friday! Ya'll better be there or be square! teehee

There I up-dated >p

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Trick Or Treat?


I Love Halloween!!
*Squee*

Sunday, October 09, 2005

2 by 4

Last night Satan hit me hard. He really dumped on me with a huge weight. I suddenly found myself in a postion that I did and didn't want to be in. So I prayed, I asked God what he wanted me to do. I liked and didn't like the answer I got, but I knew what I had to do. It took all of my strenght plus God's wonderfully Holy hand and even alittle help from Eric to get me out of there. I had to beat satan back with a two by four, and damn was it heavy, but I kept at it until I was out of there. I was so emotionally worn out yet spiritualy empowered all at once that I felt like I had just been in a battle and won. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, taring myself away from that place. But with God, I did it! I made it! It was so overwhelming that I cried on my way home, and I wanted soooo badly to tell someone what had just happened. But I couldn't, they wouldn't have understood, maybe even freaked out about it, and over looked the good I had just done. (i.e. my parents)
Anyway, worship today was wonderful, I felt God and I sort of celebrating the victory! God is sooo good and mercyful and Great!!