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MasterPieceintheMaking: September 2005

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

LLAMA FACE!!

my pet!

God be Praised!

I got the other job! I start at 6 dollars an hour. I get to work on the computer and maybe help with the web site disign! I went in today and it was great!
~THANKYOU LORD thankyouthankyouthankyou!
Now all I have to do is tell the folks at the Conrer Pharmacy that I'm quiting, and get through the 2 weeks deal. But with God on my side I can do anything! like Super man, but not. :)

mmmm God. God is good.

Coyote is having a Halloween Party the Friday before! I can't wait it'll be sooo much fun if everyone shows! We're getting music, decorations, food and all that jazz together it'll be great! We even have a fog machine, and a strobe light or two! YAY! I have fangs to wear and I'm sooo excited! *wags tail*

Out,
-KIm

Friday, September 23, 2005

Dream

I had a dream last night, I don't know if it meant anything, but it was nice and slightly strange.

~I had a different job, and was making enough to pay for my own place, and my parents were totally Ok with it! Then later, Eric and I were out on a date, and I kept thinking it was getting close to our 2 year anniversary. Then he hands me a small newspaper wrapped object with a smile of mischief across his face. I start to tare the paper away, wondering what on earth he has gotten me this time but loving the gift anyway, for the simply fact that it came from him and that he thought about me. And under all the paper is a box no bigger than my palm, black as ink, with a slight fuzz to it. My heart skipped a beat as my breath caught in my throat. I knew what it was, but I didn't dare hope. Fear of disapointment tainted the moment, then I pushed that aside for I couldn't stand the pull of curiosity any longer. I forced my free hand to crack the lid open. And there tucked in the bossom of a velvety cussion was a ring of light gold with four small red stones. I felt numb as I looked up into his cocky face, and with a smirk on his lips he asked me if I would marry him. You know the answer.
I think it was just one of those wish-fulfillment-dreams, but...
Well that's enough sappy stuff for one post, I don't even know why I'm putting this up. Just a feeling I guess. But whatever. God I feel stupid.

YAY!

Eric got the job! *Squee* And now he has a blogg too! Go look at it, it's awsome!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Progress?

Remember the foggy place I was talking about earlier? Well, I'm still there. But I think God is now leading me by the hand, inch by agonizingly slow inch.
Eric might have a job with Ryan, repairing dentistry stuff, which is really good, because if he gets the job (please pray that he does) he will have benefits and retirment and maybe a company car with gas paid for! Plus he'll start out at 10 dollars an hour! And He likes fixing things!
I'm looking at another job, I go at 11:30 to talk with them, I would have steady hours and good pay, and it would more than likely be easier than the Corner Pharmacy job. (pray that I go where God wants me, and that if he wants me at this other place, that he open doors for me.)
My parents seem to ever so slowly be coming to terms with the fact that Eric and I ARE going to get married. They drop subtle comments here and there, which lead me to think that they haven't accepted it, but are beginning to see that this is for real. (please pray that they do come to accept it, and though it would take a miracle, that they could even be happy for us.)
I even feel God working on me, maturing me and grooming me to be ready for it when it comes. But it just doesn't seem to be coming fast enough! And I'm getting restless agian, sometimes to the point where I just want to take off, go somewhere, anywhere. Sometimes I just want to tell Eric "lets blow this joint!" and do so.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Ow

Had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, it feels like someone wacked me across the face with a bat. twice. I can't eat anything harder than jello and I'm craving a big thick juicy cheeseburger with grilled onions and a chocolate shake with a straw. ohwell. :(

On another note, work has been going well, I actually enjoy it, most of the time. It's still work, and it isn't easy, but it's rewarding. And I have me own money! not to mention someplace else to be besides at the house! However, I'm not really looking forward to it monday.

I'm going to start College group back up at my house, and I even kinda have a lesson or something forming in my head. I just need to figure out we every one can get together. which won't be easy. So let me know!

God is still working on my heart and mind. I think this time it is trust, that is something He has been working on for awhile. I have a very hard time trusting, I blame my past experiances for it. Got stabbed in the back one to many times by my peers and others that I trusted. So, I'm relearning it. God is using many people and situations to get me to trust. It's strange and I'm not entirely sure I like it, but it's working. Mostly He's using situations that are way beyond my control and Eric, who fits both categories.
Anyway, I think that's it for now, and I have homework to do.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Blessed?

I got the job at the Corner Pharmacy and I got one at the Carrol Mansion on saturdays. I like the idea that I am now employed and will be making my own money, but I'm not sure that it will be all it's cracked up to be. I'm nervous that I will screw something up and be labeled "failer for life", with a big brand across my forehead and everything. I'm also afraid of the committment. I have no problem with committment in a relationship, but being committmented to a place or organization like this frightens me. I'm not entirely sure why that is.
I have been praying for a job for awhile, I need a job, but I'm worried that I've gotten in over my head, and that I'm not capible of holding a job, that I won't be able to learn the things I need to learn in time, that I won't work fast enough, that I'll freak out when I have to count change back (which I don't know how to do) and give the wrong amount, or I'll mess something up with the cash register and get accused of stealing.
I still can't see where I'm going. I'm still surrounded by the fog, and I feel that I'm moving forward, but I'm not sure where to or that it is a good thing. And I'm so afraid that there is an open man-hole just in front of me; some trap set by satan waiting to spring shut and tare me to shreds.
Part of me wants to quit and be done with it, but I have too much pride for that, and one thing I will NOT be labeled is coward.
I feel that this is where God wants me, but it's scary, and WAY out side of my comfort zone, and I feel really crappy for saying that, much less feeling it. I feel like I should beat myself then sit myself in time out for not having enough faith. "Bad Kim, that's a very Bad Kim." This is rather humbling to write this out so that ya'll can see. But at the same time it feels good, like a weight is lifted or some pressure released.
I don't know, maybe this is normal "first-job jetters" or maybe I'm just a loser, destined to always be a loser.