Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

MasterPieceintheMaking: August 2005

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

God is Great, gives us chocolate cake!

If love was a food, it would be thick, rich chocolate cake, the kind that makes you wonder when you died and got to heaven.

I finished Blue Like Jazz yesterday, it was beautiful. There are two chapters devoted just to love; loving others and yourself because God does. I was also reading my bible, and the part I opened up to was about the same thing.
God did a work in my heart that day; I began to see people the way God does, and that they are all His. And in realizing that, my heart filled with so much love, more love than I ever thought possible, for all of them. I was walking around in a state of euphoria. Then He thaught me to love myself, and that it is Ok to love me, the me that God created. And in so doing, it made the love I have for others stronger, richer, purer. And I was able to except God's love and Eric's love for me, fully, for the first time. I had always felt the love, but it was so hard to understand, and I learned to except it, but I could only handle a part of it, not the whole. God changed that. Now I realize that I was not only cheating myself, but God and Eric as well. I know God forgives me, He showed me that much yesturday. I can only hope Eric will too.
I learned so much in just a day; a lesson I never could have learned on my own. It is a process though, it will take time before it is engrained in my heart the way it is in my mind. I have repented in my words, but now I must do it in my actions. I ask all of you reading this to please forgive me, I have cheated you as well, and I am so sorry for that.
~Lord, please give me the strength and courage to live this out every day in my life. To love others and myself, because you do. Engrain it in my heart Lord. I never want to lose this feeling. Thankyou Lord, my God, my daddy, for loving me enough to show me your love, to teach me your love and to change my heart. Please, continue to shape me and mold me and refine me. Help me to show your love to those that feel unloved. Thankyou, in your son's name, Amen.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Dukes, yeah baby!

Dukes of Hazzard! Yeah!It ROCKED!!! Sexy car and awsome stunts! It was beauitful!!!!!


just had to put this here. That's right enjoy it, ya'll know it's hot. Eat it up.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

A wall?

I was reading Blue Like Jazz this moring and came across a part were Donald talks about passion and believeing. He also talked about a friend of his, whom he called Andrew the Protester. He said that he liked Andrew, because Andrew believes in things, and is passionate about what he believes in. For example, on saturday mornings Andrew goes out and sets up a make-shift kitchen on the sidewalk to make breakfast for the homeless, because he believes that is what Jesus wants him to do, and that when Jesus says feed the poor He means do so directly. When I read this I felt a stab of longing. I want to do that, not just feed the poor, but live passionately for what I believe in, for God. I believe that God is calling me to be a servant for His kingdom. And I want to be that. I want to do crazy things that go aginast the norm for the love of God. My heart aches for it. But I feel held back or that I've hit a wall. A wall that allows me to see the life I want with God and to feel it, but not to have it. I feel this wall is several things, One my lack of a job (no income of my own) , two the fact that because I have no income I am not out on my own and therefore have to answer to the wishes of my parents, and three I'm still a student and as a student, I'm spending a great deal of time and money on me and not using it for others like I feel called to do. And that makes me sick. So it seems that the answer to that would be, quit school, get a job, and move out. But it is more complicated than that, my parents and many others say that the smart thing to do would be to finish school, take my time in getting a job, and only move out when I am absolutly ready. So it seems that I am faced with two choices and I'm not sure which is the right choice and I don't know where God wants me to go, and above all things I want God's will to be done. I feel like God wants me to start living for Him, but that I should also listen to my parents. I just don't know where to draw that line,(meaning when to start living for God and not for my parents, but that line seems very blurred as to what God wants me to do) or if the choice I make will be the smart one. I'm so torn. Plus I don't want to be making a stupid choice, something that felt right at the time, but later on would hurt me or that I would regret. I want to do what is right. And I feel such a burning desire to live for God, to be that which He has made me to be. But if I take that jump, will it be because or a lack of foresight, a high on emotions which will surly lead me to pain and regret as I hit the hard rock bottom of the cliff I just lanched myself off of? Or will it be because that it is truely what God wants me to do, in which case He will catch me and I will fly? But I don't know what it is that He wants me to do, and I don't know when He wants me to do it. And I see the wall again which pushes me down a path a don't really want to go down. But is that God's wall, or is it something more sinster than that? Somebody help me please.

Friday, August 26, 2005


"Silly boys, trucks are for girls."

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Blue Like Jazz

Luke lent me this book called "Blue Like Jazz-nonreligious thoughts on christian spirituality" It's wonderful! Donald miller is so up front and real about life and his struggle to become more christ-like. I think I'll start quoteing it, in fact heres some now.
“A long time ago I went to a concert with my friend Rebecca. Rebecca can sing better than anybody I’ve ever heard sing. I heard this folksinger was coming to town, and I thought she might like to see him because she was a singer too. The tickets were twenty bucks, which is a lot to pay if you’re not on a date. Between songs, though, he told a story that helped me resolve some things about God. The story was about his friend who is a navy SEAL. He told it like it was true, so I guess it was true, although it could have been a lie.
The folksinger said his friend was performing a covert operation, freeing hostages from a building in some dark part of the world. His friend’s team flew in by helicopter, made their way to the compound and stormed into the room where the hostages had been imprisoned for months. The room, the folksinger said, was filthy and dark. The hostages were curled up in a corner, terrified. When the SEALs entered the room they heard the gasps of the hostages. The stood at the door and called to the prisoners, telling them they were Americans. The SEALs asked the hostages to follow them, but the hostages wouldn’t. They sat there on the floor and hid their eyes in fear. They were not of healthy mind and didn’t believe their rescuers were really Americans.
The SEALs stood there, not knowing what to do. They couldn’t possibly carry everybody out. One of the SEALs, the folksinger’s friend, got an idea. He put down his weapon, took off his helmet, and curled up tightly next to the other hostages, getting so close his body was touching some of theirs. He softened the look on his face and put his arms around them. He was trying to show them he was one of them. None of the prison guards would have done this. He stayed there for a little while until some the hostages started to look at him, finally meeting his eyes. The Navy SEAL whispered that they were Americans and were there to rescue them. Will you follow us? He said. The hero stood to his feet and one of the hostages did the same, then another, until all of them were willing to go. The story ends with all the hostages safe on an American aircraft carrier.
I never liked it when the preachers said we had to follow Jesus. Sometimes they would make Him sound angry. But I liked the story the folksinger told. I liked the idea of Jesus becoming man, so that we would be able to trust Him, and I like that He healed people and loved them and cared deeply about how people were feeling.
When I understood that the decision t follow Jesus was very much like the decision the hostages had to make to follow their rescuer, I knew then that I need to decide whether or not I would follow Him. The decision was simple once I asked myself, Is Jesus the Son of God, are we being held captive in a world run by Satan, a world filled with brokenness, and do I believe Jesus can rescue me from this condition?”-Donald Miller
That is just what Jesus did, he came down to our level, became human and loved us! Now that is Love! And He is still asking us to follow Him. God loves us no matter what, even when we do stupid things or hate Him. He still loves us, enough to give His only son, a part of Himself, to us, so we could follow Him home. I'm following, will you?


Yeah just felt like saying that.
And I wanted more pitures. So here is a pickle, for you viewing pleasure. yes.

Monday, August 22, 2005

poo on me

Went for a job interview today, I hated it, it was like giving blood. And the worst part is that I feel like God wanted me there to do His work, you know be on the front lines, and I think I screwed that up big time. I know that if God wants me there, He will make it so. The thing is, I feel like I messed it up, and I don't even want to work there. I just feel slightly sick about letting God down that way, and about the whole thing in general. I feel like I could have done so much more, but didn't. Or I wasn't good enough. I know God doesn't need me, but He wants me and I feel like such a let down.
The eggman kinda looks how I feel.

On a lighter note, Eric is looking at getting a house. We go today to talk to the loan officer about his credit and maybe make an offer. I really feel like this is a God thing. That God is going to bless Eric in a big way with this. The house is prefect for what Eric needs and at a really great price for it and that location. I can really see him making that his home, then maybe later, ours. Pray that God makes this all work out for the best. I know He will but pray anyway.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

New blogg type thing...yeah

Howdy this here be my new blogg type thing and stuff. I'll post more later, cause I'm just gonna be like that.